Hello family!
I've had an amazing week here at the Missionary Training Center.
A lot of good experiences are being had and also some good learning/humbling
experiences as well. Thank you all so much for the DearElder letters that you
have been sending to me. It's really nice to take a break from missionary life
through reading letters about your lives back at home. Thank you to Sarah Beth
and Brandice for sending me packages this past week with some really yummy
candy. You both know me way too well, because if I could've chosen something to
have sent, you both sent those things to me. Good work! Cortz, I'm still waiting
on my cupcakes. I keep seeing other Elders and Sisters walking by with their
Cocoa Bean cupcake boxes and I find myself coveting them. Not good.
I see the Bartholomews all the time here. On Sunday, when we went on our
temple walk, I saw them again but this time Stephanie was with them! It was fun
to see her. She looks a lot different, and is super cute! I told her I was
jealous of her heels because I'm still not loving walking around in dress
clothes wearing flats. It just doesn't feel right. I keep seeing a bunch of
people I know from BYU and such, and Sister Greer gets mad because she thinks we
are ALWAYS stopping so I can be "popular." She's funny. Sister Greer is doing a
lot better. I think she has been able to have some good experiences as we've
been teaching progressing investigators and teaching the TRC that have really
built her faith and helped her to realize that it's not a matter of speaking
eloquently, but it's all about relying on the Lord. At the same time, I've been
struggling to help her really understand that concept. I think she wants to
teach by the spirit, but she doesn't totally think she can. Sometimes I
just feel like she is info loading the people we are teaching and being more
interested in covering as much as we can and placing a Book of Mormon with them
rather than wanting to teach to their needs. Obviously I'm not perfect at
teaching, but I am really starting to understand that it's all about relying on
the spirit. I don't know these people like the Lord does, and He has been
preparing the people that I will teach in California. I just need to help them
make that connection with the Lord so that He can teach them through the spirit.
The spirit is what converts people, not the missionaries. I'm amazed at how much
I feel like I've grown just in these two weeks here the MTC. It's also very
intimidating how much further I need to be to really fulfill my purpose as a
missionary and agent of the Lord.
Although it was a really good week, it has still been hard. It's hard to be
learning and growing so much because you're reminded of how inadequate you are as
well. I have never desired to be the person and teacher that I want to become
until now. As that desire grows I find I'm being harder on myself than I know
I should be, but I just want to be the best that I can be. I've really been
thinking a lot this week about obedience. How important is obedience to the
Lord? I promised when I accepted my call that I would be completely obedient and
by doing so the Lord promises to be with me as I teach. I am striving to become
more obedient. Obedience can be hard, but why would it be hard when you really
come to understand the blessings that come from it? That's what I am really
trying to understand better - that the blessing of obedience far outweighs the
instant gratification of sleeping in, not exercising, going to bed a minute
late, or anything like that. It's not worth it. That's what I've learned.
This past week when I was teaching in Zone teaching (we teach alone without
our companions), I taught my friend Elder Munns (I think I mentioned this
before) who was being an investigator named Mike. Before my last teaching
appointment with him I was really praying and really desired to be able to teach
by the spirit and help facilitate a spiritual experience for him. I had faith
that the Lord would help me teach him and help me gain a better understanding of
teaching by the spirit. I'll share what I wrote in my study journal immediately
after I taught him:
"Today, as I taught Mike, I was really trying/striving to have the spirit
touch him and help him know the things which were being taught were true. I
wanted him to have a connection with the Lord through feeling the spirit. I
think that as I was truly striving for that, I was ready to be guided by the
Lord. As I was teaching Mike, I felt the spirit speaking to me and I knew
exactly what he needed to hear. It wasn't ME that knew, but it was the spirit
that knew exactly what he needed spiritually. As I taught him, I felt so much
love for him that I have never felt before. I know that I was feeling the love
that the Lord has for him. Mike felt the spirit and I know he felt that love
from the Lord through the spirit that he was feeling. Immediately after
teaching him, I went into a room and knelt down and thanked the Lord for
letting me have that experience which taught me how important the spirit is in
the conversion of His children."
This week in zone teaching I am an investigator. When we first got here we
were told to think about a person who we know, that has shown interest in the
church or has taken lessons from the missionaries, that we could be as
investigators. The whole purpose of being an investigator is to feel what they
feel as they are taught and converted. I picked the person I thought best. I thought it would be a
good experience to allow the Lord to let me know how this person would feel or to better understand his/her spiritual needs so that I can possibly share the gospel
with my person in the future. I was actually put in with Elder
Prichette from my district, he was also being an investigator. We decided that we
would be brother and sister because usually there is only one investigator per
missionary. The first two lessons were good. I prayed before each one that I
would really be able to become the investigator and understand my person's concerns and
what he/she felt about what was being taught. Through those first two lessons
taught by Sister Pauga, from Australia, I just felt interested. I felt like this
was good information that I was receiving and it was fun to learn more about the
Mormon church. It was all making sense to me, but I had no desire to really find
out if it was true or to change. Then yesterday in the third lesson Sister Pauga
started by talking about the atonement. In each lesson Evan (Elder Prichette)
and I have asked a lot of questions, and I had asked how the atonement works
because I felt like as the investigator I didn't really understand it. Sister
Pauga explained it and once again it made sense to me, but that was it. Then she
started to talk about the way the atonement has affected her life and how she
knows that we are children of God. At that moment the spirit rushed into me,
and I felt it in a way that I haven't ever felt it before. My heart started
beating so fast and my chest felt like it was so full that it would burst. It
was such a good feeling that I almost started to cry. I haven't felt the spirit
that strongly since I have been here, and that's saying a lot because I have
felt the spirit every day that I have been in the MTC. After that I, as the
investigator, just had a strong desire to keep feeling what I felt. Sister Pauga
invited both Evan and I to be baptized but I didn't accept because I felt like I
wanted to know myself that these things are true, and that's what I felt like I
would do was to go and pray about it and read the Book of Mormon. It was
seriously such an amazing feeling and experience to be in the investigator's
shoes and feel the things that they feel.
Well, once again I am quickly running out of time. Mom, I will call on
Monday either before we fly out of SLC at like 6ish my time or on my layover in
AZ. I'm excited to go and get to work. I'm nervous, but it's a good
nervous. I'm ready to really go and rely on the spirit to teach people and also
to learn how to be an effective missionary. It's crazy that I feel like I've
been here forever and at the same time these two weeks have gone by so fast!
Nan, send me one of your missionary tags. I want to wear one. Also, I want to
send you on a hunt to get me a cute shoulder purse thing that will fit my
scriptures only. If you would Brandice. Because I trust your taste. Anyway, I
love you all and I am happy! Don't worry about me, I'm better off than all of
you because I'm a missionary. The Lord always has at least one eye on me.
hahahaha.
Much love,
Sister Bennett
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