February 25, 2013
Bakersfield is going to be its own mission! Ahhhh! I'm super excited, actually, but nervous! I don't want to be moved over, but we'll see what happens. I'm glad to go wherever the Lord needs me. I don't have much time to write, so this one won’t be the longest...but it will suffice.
I feel like this past week I haven't
been able to gather my thoughts. I have been feeling, as I've mentioned in
previous letters, like I'm plateauing. As a missionary, that's the last thing
that I want to be thinking. I'm working hard to continue growing, but it seems
like my efforts haven't been placed in the right areas or they haven't been
enough. I've been studying the past few days about receiving revelation and I
have also been reading in my patriarchal blessing a lot in order to seek
guidance. I have realized that I need to be more actively seeking what the Lord
wants me to change rather than doing what I desire or what I think is best. I'm
glad that I've come to realize that because when I go by my own list of
"things that Sister Bennett needs to change" I become quickly overwhelmed.
I find myself, in those times, only focusing on how far I have to go to become
like the Savior. It makes me feel as though I am disappointing my Father in
Heaven because time after time I make the same errors. As I studied my
patriarchal blessing, I was able to recognize promised blessings that I have
yet to access, and I know that I can have those things present in my life if I
will seek after them. Lately, I have been able to understand better what these
wonderful people we're teaching must go through. At first, they look at the
changes ahead of them as large mountains to climb without a rope or without a
harness. That is how I have allowed myself to feel for the past few weeks, but
through many sincere prayers and more focused study, I have re-established something
that I already knew. The Savior is always standing on the tops of the mountains
in our lives and attached to Him, always, is the rope of the atonement. Some of
the struggle in our lives is trying to understand how to use that rope to climb
up and over each mountain, but I know that our Heavenly Father isn't going to
leave us alone or confused. As we actively seek Him, we will recognize how the
atonement can be used for each specific and personal mountain that we must
overcome. As we more fully understand how to use the atonement, it is then up
to us to take one step at a time, clinging to the atonement. As I think about
it, I recognize that when you literally hike up a mountain, it may seem, at
times, like you are making no progress at all, but as you keep pushing forward
and take only a few brief moments to look back you can recognize the progress
you have made. That's what I am now striving to do. I need to understand how
the atonement can be used in my life, and as I work to overcome my weaknesses, I
just need to keep my eyes forward until He tells me that I can look back to see
how far I have come.
We met this last week with President
Castro to talk about exchanges that will be taking place and to receive counsel
from him, I felt the Spirit infusing me with an even greater drive to make changes
in my life. At first after the meeting, I just felt overwhelmed. I didn't
understand how I would be able to really give the sisters what they need from
me. I just want them to be able to have powerful experiences on exchanges with
me, and I want them to be able to go away from the exchanges with a desire to
change and grow. I recognize now, after Sister Lillywhite said it to me, that I
need to not be so hard on myself. I remember that President Castro had given me
similar counsel when he issued the call to me to become a traveling sister. I
expect a lot out of myself, but I know that I cannot and will not be perfect.
However, with the Savior's help and the guidance of the Spirit I know that He
will use me to take care of these sisters. I'm just going to focus on one
sister at a time as I prepare to go on exchanges with each. I know that I have
been called to serve as a traveling sister because I have certain gifts and
abilities that will be able to bless these sisters. I am grateful for the
spiritual gifts that I have been blessed with and I'm excited to seek guidance
on what other gifts I need and can acquire to bless others’ lives more. I was
glad to receive the direction concerning our areas and that these sisters are a
part of our teaching pool. I have been focusing on them a lot, but at times I
felt that I didn't know who I should focus on more - the investigators we're
teaching or the sisters. Now, I just view them as all being investigators who
have specific needs and challenges that I can help with. I am just grateful to
be able to serve in this mission with these great sisters here. I love them so
much and as I have been praying for them that love has only become
greater.
This week we taught Jimmy, Sabrina,
Lisa, Kristyn, Bob, Kelly, Matilde, the Evangelistas, the Biglers
(less-active), Sister Rous (less-active), Bette (less-active), and the Rabagos
(less-active).
I really love Jimmy. He is just such
an inherently good person and I'm so grateful that we were guided by the Spirit
to find him. He needs the gospel. He doesn't live in the best situation and
doesn't have the best friends, but I can see right now, in my mind, what his
life will be like as he continues to progress in the gospel and is baptized.
Jimmy is 20 years-old. He's Hispanic and is renting a room in his friend's
apartment so that his mom doesn't have to worry about providing for him. This
past week we taught him the Plan of Salvation and it was so amazing to just
follow the Spirit throughout his lesson. We were able to ask questions and read
scriptures that really got Jimmy to think, and the most amazing part was
listening to him talk through things and figure things out for himself. Then,
when he would realize something, his face would light up and he would just say
"Wow, that's powerful." I can feel how much Heavenly Father loves
Him. He is one of the Father's choice sons and Jimmy's future is so bright with
the gospel lighting it up. Sadly, for us, we won’t be teaching him anymore. We
passed him off to the young single adult ward elders on Saturday. I know that
is what's best for Jimmy. He'll be able to make some really good friends who
have good morals just like Jimmy. On Saturday night, we had dinner with the
Stassforth family and their daughter and her boyfriend are in the singles ward.
We were able to talk to them about Jimmy, and Chandler, the boyfriend, said
that he will definitely get in contact with the elders and go to the
appointments they have with Jimmy. I was so grateful to hear that because I was
praying a lot that day about Jimmy and that he would be taken care of. I have
felt a lot of comfort about it and I know that he is in good hands.
Sister Bennett
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